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at times i catch myself sitting and thinking way to much. more so when sitting in the waiting room at the dr’s office or the lab. yesterday for example i saw two different kids. one perfectly fine and singing a long to spongebob’s theme song and another sitting in a wheelchair with a few noticeable disabilities. then i look at talon as he squirms around kicking his baby feet and smiling at the tv, i sit and think which will talon have more characteristics like. the perfect little girl who charms people by singing a song and showing manners of yes mom and please dad or the little boy who depends on his mom. from the past few visits there hasn’t been any bad news which is a sign of relief. we saw our last specialist and this monday talon will be getting a videofluoroscopic swallow study done and also early intervention will be coming to evaluate talon. since talon has been taking the phenobarbital he has not had a seizure which makes my day a little less stressful. he has began to be a little more adventurous in trying to hold his head up and has been a little more vocally active. there are days that i personally want to do a hardcore baby boot camp just so he surpasses the struggles but i know that the routine we are doing now is best for him. a week ago when out with a friend at her in-laws house her mother-in-law was talking about the milestones and how when you have a baby you wait for this and you know your baby is ok or you wait for this and you know you don’t have a retarded baby. its not like many people know of talon’s condition because to those on the outside he looks like a pretty normal baby (you cant even go shopping or out to eat without some woman drooling over his cuteness) but to me that day i wanted to break down and cry.

it wasn’t until a comment i read in my previous post that i was losing hope. the part of the comment that made me feel better was that we get to enjoy our babies being babyish longer than other moms. i’ve seen post of moms from a group im in and pictures of how they’re babies are growing fast or are born the same week as talon and already are in 6-9 month clothing and then i look at talon who is just now not fitting into his 3 month clothes length wise. these past two weeks talon has started to do things that probably most babies have been doing for months and thats okay. my little guy is growing slowly but surely and most drs or other people that have dealt with babies that have whs say that talon is really advanced and doing stuff that most haven’t done until later on in the year. as each day passes talon has done something new or does something to put a smile on our face and though there are times when sitting at the waiting room i catch myself looking and thinking what will talon be like i will always look down at him and continue to be full or surprise at what he does next.