Sophia taught me this from the beginning of knowing her spirit in my womb.  Of course, then, we did everything…together.  Now it takes more purposeful focused attention to detail.  Here’s my latest understanding “of getting” Phia, by listening to her words and by participating with her actions.

“Shopping, Mom? Go shop?”  She saw the shopping bag, next to her car seat, as she climbed in the car after school. I forgot I needed to return the items in the bag she just pointed out. She has a great way to help me accomplish my “to do” list.  Sure, why not, let’s go get that done, I thought. I had a few other errands, so this is a perfect time to get that one accomplished, too.

Shoe shopping.  Always fun for, us, girls. Am I right?! Yet, because Sophia’s feet are long and skinny we have but a few (if not just one pair) to choose from most of the time.  She can independently put on her own shoes and is very willing to do so and most of the time on the correct feet.  She loves this independence.  Often when I go to assist, she pushes me away and says, “me do.”  And she does! 🙂

What an achievement.  She is made of determination.

Most all her shoes are pull on or Velcro closure.  These type of shoes have helped her gain independence. (Independence is a rare milestone, so, it’s automatically how I help her shop for her shoes, since her achievement.)  She showed me otherwise, this particular shopping day, Phia style! 🙂

She tried on all the pairs that met my qualifications but she insisted on a cute pair of Chuck’s, pink Chuck’s.  I quickly dismissed her choice because of all the laces. She picked them up again and this time said, “Mom, let’s do it!”

Then she tried putting them on and it was difficult for her but she never gave up. I bent down, next to her (to get it over with more than to really help her be successful) in trying on these shoes. She was proud when they fit and tried to tie them. She made knots, a lot of knots, that is how she tried to tie the laces. That’s when I stopped to join her, really stopped to shop, for new shoes, together…I remembered how I love Chuck’s and one of the first pair (fashion statement shoes) she wore (that I picked out) was a pair of high top Chuck’s.

Pink to be exact.

Stopping to join her flooded my mind with this memory. It was a sweet memory, an easier time of shoe shopping, when not much criteria needed to be met, just fashion statement. I often miss her prompts of wants and needs by listening and focusing on only what is easy.  I sometimes fall into the habit of thinking easy is best but Phia showed me the deep lesson of understanding, relationship.

My being prone to the rut of easy, steals from my heart, her heart. It steals our relationship.

She has a way to capture my attention and brings understanding in relationship.

It takes relationship to get her, of course and put “to get her” together and awe, together is to get her!

Me and Phia, at sunset, together.


2 Responses to Together

  1. Anitra says:

    Janet, so many wonderful things in this post! It’s amazing to me that Phia is able to infer so much from simply seeing the shopping bag. So cool. I often wonder how aware Elsa is of what we’re up to. Probably everything! Even though she doesn’t have the language yet (in a traditional sense). Phia is expressing herself in so many ways. I loved her choice of pink Chucks. We had pink high tops for Elsa when she was a toddler, how funny! I love that Phia stuck with the shoe laces. What a girl. The thing I related to most was how you shared that you often find yourself choosing the easy path. I do that all the time too. Maybe we do that because so many things can be so difficult. But you are so right. The things that take the most time (like Elsa’s PODD communication book) are the things that brings us closer in relationship. “To get her.” I love that. Awesome post.

  2. Janet says:

    Probably everything,indeed! So wise,our kids. Phia’s receptive language is always further along than her expressive speech,but as she grows older she finds many more ways, than speaking words, for me to connect the dots and understand her cimmunication.
    Pink Chuck’s, what more to say…glad we have rhus in common, too. Smile.
    So hope our paths cross, in person, someday. I just can’t get enough of spending time with others, walking this life! Blessings till then.

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