Dear Parents,

 

I’m writing you this letter even as Alexander wiggles across the floor. You see, I am you. Sometimes it is hard for all of us.
Sometimes – we all wonder if we are doing what is right for our children. Sometimes – we all wonder if our children are “Falling Behind.”

 

When we have a child with special needs, I believe it is inevitable this will cross our minds. I say our because… I am You.

 

When we see a child that is developing with no delays it is easy to ask ourselves: Am I doing Enough? Could my child be reaching more milestones? Faster? Is my child falling behind?

 

Wolf Hirschhorn Syndrome, like so many other syndromes, has such a range of… everything. Some children eat, some don’t, some walk, some don’t, some sit, some don’t. The list goes on and on.

 

And we ask ourselves: Am I doing Enough? Could my child be reaching more milestones? Faster? Is my child falling behind?

 

To your heart and to mine I say: YES. We love our children. We talk to each other. We ask questions. We try new things. Our children are in therapy. We adapt our lives to allow our children to have the most fulfillment they could ever have. YES. We need to stop pressuring ourselves so much. Stop troubling our hearts with a problem we cannot solve. Continue to believe we are doing the best we can. Our children are not falling behind. They are merely traveling at their own pace to the milestones.

 

I write this to you, not as a mother of a child who is walking and talking, but as a mother of a child who just tested at a “6 month level.” Alexander is 2 and does not yet walk or talk or sit. And that is ok. I am doing enough. He is doing enough. His pace is not my pace. I love him, and that is enough. It is enough for all of us. 

 

10 Responses to Am I Doing Enough?

  1. Denise says:

    Thank you Kristin,
    I needed this today! I’m putting this on my refrigerator.This thought is always on my mind.
    Denise

  2. Karen says:

    Kristen, thank you for sharing from your heart. This is so beautifully written. I agree that undconditional love is by far the greatest gift you can give your children. Unconditional love means you love your child beyond any expectations….you simply love them for who they are, precious little angels.
    My little angel is Brodie, our 1st grandchild.

  3. Ann Kusik says:

    Thank you for your lovely thoughts. As a mother to a seven year old that has severe delays I have often wondered if I’m doing enough but she is who she is and we love her no matter what.

  4. Letty says:

    I love this letter. I had my 13 year old daughter and 16 year old son read this and they loved it just as much as I did.

  5. Sara says:

    Thank you for writing this post! I often feel stressed at the end of the day that I didn’t do enough. Your blog is really inspiring to me!

  6. Latosha says:

    Thank you, this is beautiful and I hope all parents get a chance to read this. I know it is hard, yes your child has special needs, yes there will be obstacles but you are doing enough! Do not let this syndrome weigh you down and put you in a funk. My child fights everyday and is so strong and that in turn makes me stronger. For me and for her. We both walk around with our heads held high without a care in the world for I love her, she loves me, life is short and we dont have any time for what ifs and do overs. So do what you can and at the end of the day exhale because each day brings a new blessing.

  7. Cathy Jensen says:

    London, our daughter, is 19. I struggle with this issue nearly daily, and often several times within a day! (Sorry, that may not be good news for those of you with young children). I am home with my daughter and often when I might be doing something other then tending to her needs I feel that guilt creep in because she is idle-unstimulated-just sitting.

    Thank you for you words… “her pace is now our pace.”
    I need to read those words everyday. I need to BELIEVE those words!

    Cathy Jensen

  8. Charity Lammonds says:

    Thank you so much. I really needed this. I am in the process of trying to get approved for the website now. I can’t wait to share my story with everybody!

  9. Lou M says:

    WOW! So well written and it applies across so many spectrums of children with special needs! Your insight displays great love and a great gift to your child! This is an inspiration to us all! WELL DONE!!!
    best, Lou M.

  10. shirley bidnick says:

    Rochelle’s health and happiness were the only things that ever caused me distress. Each year her teacher and therapists would ask me what my goals for her were. I had no specific goals. I just wanted her to be healthy and happy. Anything else was a bonus. Was that negligent and uncaring? Did I limit her life? Now that I read about all the therapy and intervention that is done for children with WHS, I wonder if I could have done more. I loved Rochelle and left her to unfold. I will always wonder, what if…

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