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Nathan and Joey

It is amazing to see the difference between the way Nathan looks at Amelia and the way Joey looks at Amelia. I have no doubt they both love her. But Joey, being nine, knows there is something different about her. He often asks, “Will she walk? When will she talk? What is she going to be like when she gets older?” He often sees a disabled child in the store or on the television and compares them to Mia.  Teachers have noticed that he will go out of his way to play with the special needs children in his classroom. He will tell the teachers that they are just like his sister. Society has taught him there is a difference between himself and children with disabilities. From where they sit in lunch, to which classrooms they learn in, to the transportation they take home from school, he has observed the differences between his life and their life.

Nathan, being four and only two when Amelia was born, does not see any difference between Amelia and other children. He often tells me that Mia told him she wants him to pick her up and that Mia is laughing at him while he is dancing around the living room.  Nathan hands her toys in the bathtub and does not notice she can not grasp them for longer than a second. Or if he notices, he continues to keep handing her toys as if he knows one day she will play with it.  He continues to talk to her, to sing to her, and to play with her even when the rest of us notice she is not responding but the reactions are getting better these days. He pushes on as if one day she will look at him and say, “Will you play with me today?”

I wish I had just an ounce of his innocence about her syndrome.

But recently, that magic disappeared. When you ask Nathan how old he is, he replies with, “Four and a half.” That half of a year dissolved the unconditional acceptance he used to have for his sister. The other day I overheard him tell his friend that he has a sister too, but she is “different.”

Crushed, I felt as if I was four again and someone just told me there were no such things as make-believe, fairies, and birthday wishes. I needed him to always believe in what she can accomplish, for my sake.  Even though he has lost the innocence, he will always have that special bond with his sister. Both of my sons have taught me so much about caring for a child with special needs!